Sunday, December 15, 2013

Gratitude

As the holiday approaches I am filled with emotion.  Excitement, wonder, love, and sadness all fill my heart.  But the one thing I feel above all else is gratitude.

I think some expect me to be melancholy and humbugish about the whole season, (being as I am alone waiting for the finality of my divorce and I am not overtly close with my family), but I am not.  I am hopeful.  There are little things this year I will miss.  Going to the farm and picking out a tree, attending holiday parties, throwing holiday parties, decorating my home, and the like.   But alas I am only missing those things this one year.  For next I will be in a more permanent dwelling and will be surrounded by friends and some family who I can enjoy the holiday with all season long.

Although I am missing those few things at the moment, I am still going to have an excellent holiday.  I am going home to see people who love me and will embrace me, welcoming me into their homes for great conversation, excellent food, and tons of fun, relaxed company.  I will not be alone.  And for that I am grateful.

I have been seeing these gratitude lists all over the place this year.  I am not normally a fan of such lists, as I believe people should express gratitude for life everyday not just during the holidays.  But in the spirit of the season that so many seem to be in, I will share my brief and concise list here.

I am grateful I can control my body.  I am mobile and can do everything from feed myself, tie my shoes, bathe myself, drive my truck, and so on.  I remind myself everyday to be triumphant in these silly mundane things as they are more precious that we realize.

I am grateful for my friends.  I have a select few that I love to the core.  My friends are my family and have always shown me kindness, love, humor, and acceptance no matter where I was in my life.  Those who I speak of know who they are.  They offer me strength, support, guidance, and a kick in the ass when needed.  My world would be a very dark place without them.

I am grateful for love.  Yes, this might be a head scratcher coming from a woman in the midst of divorce, but it is true.   Love has saved me on more than one occasion.  Love helped me grow.  Love tended to me when I was ill.  Love sat at my feet and brought me comfort in fear and grief.  Love gave me courage. Love gave me hope.  I am lucky to know what its like to be loved.  Love has introduced me to myself.  More now than ever.  And that is a wonderful thing.  Love has taught me lessons I never thought I could learn.  So for it, I am grateful and believe I will know love all of my life, even if its just continuing to cultivate it within myself.

In looking at this next chapter, I am grateful.  For what I have lived and for the experiences to come.

And I am grateful for the time others give to me. So, to all of you who read this, thank you.