Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Thankful

Thanks to a nasty viral infection, I am spending my first Thanksgiving divorced and in my new home, alone.   I am contagious so it is not a good idea to be around anyone or partake in holiday festivities.  I am exhausted from coughing and in general feel like hell.

But I am thankful. 

I haven't blogged in a long time.  The desire to write hasn't escaped me, its just that life seems to never stop throwing me curve balls.   My move back to Pittsburgh earlier this year came with all kinds of excitement and trepidation, but it happened.  Although it scared the shit out of me to move without a job or a home, I did it.  Allowing myself to accept the kindness and generosity of a dear friend, I lived in limbo, in someone else's space, for six months while I secured a new job then found my own home.  Shortly after I purchased my home, I lost my job.  See more curve balls. 

Now I am in my home, working part time during the holidays to get me through until I can land another secure gig.  As the holidays approached, despite my less than ideal employment situation, I was excited to be in Pittsburgh and looking forward to a season full of fun.  Although the season has not begun in an ideal fashion, I know it will get better.  And I will be well soon.

I have seen all these posts online about people doing their annual gratitude lists. Perhaps to remind themselves, and each other, of all the good things in life. 

Since I have lots of time to think and reflect I decided to dust off  the old blog and write.  The past year has been a truly difficult one.  The gratitude I have for making it through without losing my mind is beyond measure.   So on this Thanksgiving eve, (as I type while coughing my head off), I present to you my gratitude list...

#1  Always, always, always My health.  Even though I have a virus and am "sick" today,  I am able bodied and alive.  No matter how shitty I feel physically on any given day for the rest of my life, I will be humbled and grateful for my body and its abilities.   I could never take my health and mobility granted again if I tried. 

#2 My amazing friends.  I turned 40 in May and never did I feel so much love as I did at that time.  My friends gathered for and around me to celebrate my life and birth.  It was one of the most fantastic and moving days I'd ever experienced.  My friends are the family I have chosen, and I have chosen well.  These people are in my life to stay and have never let me down.  They know who they are and they know how much I reciprocate their love. 

#3 My resolve.  I am thankful that I have the will to be strong when needed and am capable of bouncing back from almost anything.  Emotionally, mentally, physically I can be a rock.  I do not say this with conceit, but with the appreciation this resolve was instilled in me at a young age and I have finally learned to own it in a positive and productive way. 

#4 My home.  I am living in a home that is all mine.  This space I occupy is mine alone and I am the queen of my castle.  There is no one to answer to, consider, or obey.  (Well except maybe Linus, my dog LOL).  I have gotten to a point in my life where I can and am fully standing on my own two feet in every way.  I know that I did not make the journey alone to get here, but I have arrived.  Although scary some days, it feels amazing.

#5 Love.  Funny how a recent divorcee is thankful for love.  But I am.  Although love has not always turned out the way I'd believed or hoped, it has taught me much about the world and myself.   Because of love I am able to not give up on it or myself. 

There are many more things one can be grateful for, but as I lay in bed tomorrow sipping tea and hopefully not coughing as much as I am tonight, it will be these five things I think of.   

Happy Thanksgiving to all.