As I approach the two-year anniversary of my unpleasant tryst with venous thrombosis of the sagital and lateral sinus, (blood clots in the brain, generically categorized as a stroke), I am feeling reflective on the current state my life. How I am still managing to take in oxygen and exhale carbon dioxide each day while simultaneously not loosing my mind or killing anyone is remarkable to me. I also try to not think too much about the fact that I really shouldn’t be here. But here I sit. Pulse and all.
In my infinite wisdom I though it might help to get my inner thoughts out. Purge them from my brain and get them on paper. A book! A book would be a great idea. My colleagues, friends, and my husband, all encouraged me to write. So full throttle I began to write feverishly, unconsciously unearthing all kinds of emotion that I forgot existed. After twenty pages of emotional muck I had to stop. It was too much to process. I spent the next several months lying. Yes, lying, about the book. “I was still working on it”, “I’ve gotten too busy with work but its on my radar”, and my favorite “Its coming along slowly but surely!” No it wasn’t coming along. It wasn’t at all. I had stopped writing. I want to finish the book someday but realized that day was not yet here. That was almost a year ago.
As I think about writing the book now, I want it to be a clear and honest representation how the stroke transformed me both inside and out. Yet it had to be funny. Because I am one funny bitch, (or so I’m told). I am not a writer. I am a talker. I desire to write in a conversational manner. I want those who read my prose to feel like I am speaking directly to them. Sharing a funny yet intimate conversation. For some reason today, January 25, 2012, I decided to begin to write again. But not a book…baby steps. This blog.
I want to take you on a journey of my mind. What it was like before I almost died and what is going on up there now. I can’t promise it will be for everyone, (as history has shown me I am not for everyone), but I can promise I will not lie. It will be hysterical at times and uncomfortable at others. Those who know me intimately may still be surprised at what I uncover here. But, fuck it. I am ready to embrace being honest with and about myself. I am self aware if nothing else. No names or dates will be changed to protect the innocent. Hell there is no innocent or guilty in my world anymore. This may be an interesting journey….hop on board if you want and jump off anytime.
Love it Ange! Funny, you abandoned a book and started a blog. I abandoned a blog to write a book. I'm a few chapters but finishing; however, I can't seem to write them. I keep editing what's already there. It's almost like if I finish I'll have to say good-bye to these characters who I've come to love. Anyhow, I think your blog is going to be as sassy, funny, and real as you are. Va Bene!
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on your launch!
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